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Singing Genie

by Kavalier Calm

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I am a singing genie who grants wishes made with rhyme...just be careful what you wish for!


released June 2, 2014




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Kavalier Calm Washington, D.C.

Hi, my name’s KC. I write songs inspired by the things I see and people I meet on the internet. Contact me through my blog, and I’ll write a song just for you. About anything you like. Really. Don’t be shy; it’ll be fun, I swear.

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Track Name: A Dime Bag of Coke
A Dime Bag of Coke

I heard your wish,
so here's a dime bag of coke.
I promise this blow
is no joke.
But either is the SWAT team
knocking on your door.
Were possession charges what
you wished for?
Track Name: Bonsai Tree House
Bonsai Tree House

Look at this tree house I built for you.
Yes, my friend, I furnished it, too!
Plumbing, flat screen TV, a parlor for company.
This home has everything you need.
What's wrong? You didn't specify on size.
This mini-tree house is in a bonsai.
If this isn't what you meant by your wish,
I could shrink you down so you fit.
Track Name: A Hot Shower Scene With A Conscious Being
A Hot Shower Scene With A Conscious Being

I'm one of those rare genies
who can grant his own wish,
and love happens to be
my favorite served dish.
/u/hotshowerscene and /u/conscious_being
you seem meant to be,
and so I wish you both a long life
stitched together at the seams.
Finally hotshower,
you won't bathe alone
with a plastic sex doll
and sudsy foam.
A real, thinking human
will bring your name to life
with one steamy, conscious choice
at a time.
Track Name: Puppy Rich
Puppy Rich

Nice try, /u/_thats_not_me,
but I heard your poem's silent plea.
You're searching for a friendship that does not exist;
the verse writer you speak of is not your bitch.
But if you need a friend to respond to your beck and call,
then your wish is granted! Here's a dog.
And what do you know, this one is a bitch,
and real soon you'll be puppy rich.
Track Name: Nothing Is More Than Anything
Nothing Is More Than Anything

"He who wants for nothing has everything."
But he who has everything has a lot to keep,
and there's no space for all that stuff
on your island in the sun.
Your home is sinking under the weight of everything;
soon you'll be drowning in the sea.
You should have wished for less, silly.
Nothing is more than anything.
Track Name: The Vibrator Eye
The Vibrator Eye

I know a man gifted with a devil's look.
Girls meet his eye, and they feel all shook--
down below!
With one single glance, they feel a tingle in their pants.
How does he do it without using his hands--
down below?
'Cause he has The Vibrator Eye.
A single blink, they all moan and sigh.
This super power would be one of a kind--
except he was born blind.