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by Kavalier Calm

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Lovegame is an album of original songs for gamers, geeks, and other nerds. The flow of the album goes: #Pokemon -> #Disney Princess -> #Cosplay -> #Books -> #Gaming -> #Star Wars -> #Technology. Details on a track--like its lyrics and its inspiration--can be found by clicking its title. These songs were written and recorded as a part of the Crowdsource Inspiration project hosted at: Kavalier is grateful to the many people that encouraged him to write these songs. And he promises more are coming!


released March 25, 2012




Kavalier Calm Washington, D.C.

Hi, my name’s KC. I write songs inspired by the things I see and people I meet on the internet. Contact me through my blog, and I’ll write a song just for you. About anything you like. Really. Don’t be shy; it’ll be fun, I swear.

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Track Name: Ditto

I'm tired of living
a Blue Version life.
Day after day,
everything appears more wild.
I'm gonna hang up my red cap,
and quit the gyms.
'Cause I got a plan
to fill my life with love again.
I'm gonna catch me a Ditto
and have it read your website.
And when it transforms into you,
I'll ask it to be my wife.

Cause I don't got to catch them all.
I just got to catch one like you.

We'll settle down in Pallet Town,
and I'll build a bird house.
Pidgeys will come from all around
to play in our yard.
We'll grow Cut flowers in the garden
and go Surf at the beach,
and we'll Fish with my Old Rod
for Magikarp.
We'll go spelunking in caves
with our Flash(lights),
and Dig our escape
from all those Zubats.

On days you don't feel special,
I'll brew you elixirs
to restore your PP
(and your feelings for me).
We'll teach you
how to swallow your laughter,
so you don't ever return
to your true form.
I'll finally be a Master
of a household.
You'll fill every page
of my heart's Pokédex.
Track Name: No Substitute
No Substitute

Baby, if you're ever kidnapped;
I'll do everything in my power to get you back.
Because you have no Substitute.

If you're taken by a ninja,
I'll do the Swords Dance with him;
give him my Rage, my Dragon Rage.
I'll Body Slam, Skull Bash, and Seismic Toss him.

If a prince tries to woo you away
with his throne and his big Pay Day,
Swift as a Thunderbolt, I'll be there to Counter
with my Strength. Yeah, I'll beat him into Submission!

If a wizard grabs you and Teleports away,
I'll Fly, Dig, and Surf over every piece of this earth,
until I find him. And when I do I'll Reflect his Psychic spells
until his mind's Softboiled and Toxic,
oh, until that Dream Eater is dead.

And, Darling, if a dragon flies off with you,
I will hunt him down.
And our battle will be so epic,
it will shake the ground.
There'll be Earthquakes, Fire Blasts,
Rock Slides, Explosions, and the sounds of Thunder.
And when he tries to Take me Down
I'll give him a lethal Tri Attack:
Water Gun, Razor Wind, and Bubblebeam--
I'll make a Blizzard out of him.

Track Name: Sleeping Beauty
Sleeping Beauty

I have a white horse,
and I have a chiseled chin.
I fought a dragon to climb this tower,
and I beat the old witch.

But before I wake you from your slumber,
I want a guarantee
that when you wake, you’ll climb right back
into that bed with me.

A handsome prince like me
has so many needs.
Oh, Beauty, I don’t want to sleep;
I want to lay you down and dream an active dream.

I’ll bring flowers to all your godmothers,
and I’ll never ask you to sew.
And I am in no rush to get married
or have an heir to the throne.

Track Name: Cinderella, I Can Be Your Fella
Cinderella, I Can Be Your Fella

When the clock struck midnight,
you ran out the door.
You were in such a hurry,
you left your coat at the bar.
It wasn’t ‘til then
I realized you came alone,
and the key to finding you
might be that coat.

Oh, Cinderella,
I can be your fella,
I can be your man.
We can run away
together, my queen,
just take my hand.

Well, we danced for hours,
and I bought you a drink,
and you told me
you were paying your way,
living as a maid
with the ungrateful and rich,
and you have an itch
to just run away.


I remember your laugh,
and I remember your walk,
but I don’t remember
where you said you’re from.
So I’m gonna take your coat
to every big house in town,
and ask for the girl
that cleans the rooms.
Track Name: More Than Pretend
More Than Pretend

When we met, you were so happy
to meet someone who could play Vash the Stampede.
When we met, I was just happy
that somebody was talking to me.

When we're together, we play hero and heroine.
But just once I want to play boyfriend and girlfriend.
How do I tell you my love is more than pretend?

We've been Aerith and Cloud, Ash and Misty;
we've gone to Comicon and cosutme parties.
You do my make up, and I dye your hair.
You laugh as I brush it with my hands.


And you try on your costumes right in front of me.
Do you think I'm a robot? That I don't have feelings?
Well, I can compute every last inch of you,
and it fills me with joy, and it fills me with hunger.
A hunger to be real.

So I go online and buy a bow and arrow,
a pair of gold boots, and little wings.
And I go to your room, and I sit you down,
and at the top of my Cupid lungs, I sing:

Do you understand? This isn't pretend.

And you grab an arrow out of my quiver,
tuck it under your arm and say, "Yes."
And you give me a hug and a kiss on the neck,
and then I know that we're more than pretend.
Track Name: Bookish Girl
Bookish Girl

I saw you every day on the bus.
I hoped you’d notice me,
but your nose was always in a book.
One day, I got off at your stop
and followed you down that city block.
When you walked in the library,
I almost turned away;
books just weren’t for boys like me.

Do they have a book on you?
Do they have a book on love?

Well, I applied for a card,
just so I could follow you in.
I traced your steps from reference to fiction.
Would you believe that for months
I read every single book you touched?
I’ve learned a lot—yes, I’ve grown wise—
but I still don’t know how to tell you
I wish you were mine.


Well, bookish girl, you’ve got it all:
the smarts, the smile, and the beating heart.
I could be any kind of lover you wish;
a Dorian Gray, a Rhett Butler, or a Heathcliff.
Ours could be a novel love,
like a good book you can’t get enough of.
Track Name: Love Is A Verb
Love is a verb

Love is not just a word.
No, it's a verb,
and I want you to act like you want to be in it with me.
Love is a fuel,
it makes me move.
And I'd like to move you with it.

And I refuse to love anyone else but you;
so, darlin', you better start lovin' me.

Love is not just a dream.
No, it's built on sweat and tears,
and you aren't putting in the work that I am.
Love is not lazy.
No, it should fill you with a fire.
And it's crazy how you're treating me.


Love's not just a thing to throw away.
No, it's a treasure chest,
and it's time to get into it.
Plunder, what we got between us,
and I know you'll be pleased with
everything I've got to offer.

Track Name: The Red Ring of Death
The Red Ring of Death

You used to respond when I pushed your buttons;
you'd hum and get hot,
and we'd play for hours, on the bed, on the couch,
from dusk 'til dawn.
We've been on an adventure or two:
Angel, I rode your Halo through space;
and we lived a fairytale, a Fable;
you were my Lady Grey.

But all at once, you put up a wall:
a red ring of silence--the death of our love.

And I thought we could save the world;
in fact, we did a dozen times.
But now you won't respond to me;
who will stop the Locust Horde?
You committed Grand Theft--
Auto-matically stealing my heart--
when you went cold to my touch;
oh, you can't refurbish such hurt.


Now I'm heartless and homeless,
looking for a new box to settle in.
I'll trade in your memories, pawn all your stuff,
and find love again.
Track Name: Green Eyed Zombie Killer
My Green Eyed Zombie Killer

If the Zombie Apocalypse
comes tomorrow, and I am left for dead,
I hope I’m left in a musty, dark cellar
with you.
We won’t have much besides piles of movies
(both Romantic and Scary), and a cache of weapons,
and canned food and Twinkies,
and an Xbox.

And every time we push back the brain-eating horde,
we’ll fall into each other’s arms.
And I’ll tell you: There’s nowhere I’d rather be
than here with you, my green eyed zombie killer.

We’ll spend the hours between Undead surges,
gaming and laughing and counting ammunition.
We’ll draw escape plans for all situations,
though we both never want to leave.

And every time we push back the brain-eating horde,
we’ll fall into each other’s arms.
And I’ll tell you: There’s nowhere I’d rather be
than here with you, my green eyed zombie killer.

And if you get infected,
I’ll deny it with every ounce of my being.
I’ll tie you down in a chair
and put on all your favorite movies.

And every time I push back the brain-eating horde,
I’ll come as close as I can to your hungry arms.
And I’ll tell you: There’s nowhere I’d rather be
than here with you, my green eyed zombie.
Track Name: Death of a Star
Death of a Star

Out here in space, only one thing still marvels man:
the depth and fire of stars.

So, like any good engineer, I planned to build a wonder:
a star of my own--one to rival the suns--
for it will not give life, but death.

I built her--a wonder to behold;
nearly perfect, but for one minor flaw.
I told that Wookiee not build that exhaust port,
but, oh, how he argued: more concerned with red tape than the art.


And I hate those Jedi, those rule breakers;
there's no equation for The Force--
in their world, physics fails to have meaning.
That shot was one in a million,
but that Skywalker made it.
And now my masterpiece is destroyed.

Oh, it would have given death;
but now it's destroyed.
Track Name: Lovegame

You’re like a spider
weaving me into your web,
and I could escape,
but I’d rather stay here instead.
You’re like a bear,
and I’m a hive full of honey,
and though you’re bound to get stung,
you just can’t say no.

You have a plot,
you have a plan
to win the lovegame.

We’re on the same adventure,
in the same dark cavern,
neither of us wants
to share that treasure.
You give something up
when you give it up.
Lose your heart, lose your head,
lose your freedom, lose the game.


Who will find it first?
The truth and the feel.
Rub it in the face of the other,
act like it ain’t real.